Rejoice! Morbius Lives!

My friends. We live in trying times.

In these days of fear and uncertainty, it is hard to know where to look for comfort. We all seek some reassurance that things will be all right, that there is some justice in the world. Who is out there to be our savior?

Well, sometimes salvation comes from the most unlikely of places.

Brothers & sisters, fear not, for Morbius walks among us.

Ok, maybe Morbius isn’t the answer to everything, but I finally sat down and watched the movie with some friends over the weekend and came away from it…changed.

I remember thinking when I first saw a trailer “who asked for this? Who is this for?” It looked awful. Not just like it had a bad plot, acting, and action, but it looked TERRIBLE. It was just ugly. Not only lacked style, but lacked anything visually compelling.

Then, when the movie released and bombed horribly, I thought “oh yeah, that tracks.” It was everything the trailer promised it would be. And truly, I believed that was that. It would disappear into streaming obscurity, without much of a second thought.

But then something happened, something magical that made me think that perhaps things weren’t all bad. Maybe, just maybe, there is hope for this world.

“It’s Morbin’ time.”

Those three words ignited the internet and inspired a million shitposts and memes. It was so stupid and so, so funny. It got Morbius trending so hard that it convinced Sony that people actually wanted to see the movie now. So they did the unthinkable and re-released it.

The internet memed Morbius into a re-release. Just months after the initial release bombed. And what happened?

It bombed again. EVEN HARDER.

Re-released on 1,000 screens and made $300,000. That’s $300 per screen.

Incredible. Just a wild failure of a stunt that must have cost Sony millions. And it is the funniest thing that I think has ever happened.

Sony actually thought that the memes ridiculing their terrible, awful movie meant that people wanted to go and pay money to see it! So they paid millions to re-release it and it fell flat on its face! Again! Morbius bombed in theaters TWICE! IN JUST A FEW MONTHS!

I don’t believe in any gods or supernatural beings in real life, but I tell ya…it feels like the universe knew we needed a laugh. Anyone with a modicum of power and a modicum of sense at Sony could have stopped this, but somehow it happened. And that is magical.

I genuinely cannot stop laughing. I can’t believe this happened and I got to witness it. And now that I’ve seen the movie, it is all the funnier. Because it is so stupidly bad.

So, my friends, enjoy this hilarious set of circumstances with me. Watch the movie if you want, it is terrible though good for a laugh with friends. But anyone and everyone can enjoy that Morbius exists and Sony has no clue what they are doing. In any way.

Glory to Morbius! Glorious Morbius.

For real, though, the movie is a s#!tshow. It’s so bad it taints really good characters from MCU movies. Worth watching with a drink in hand and good friends around, but holy wow it is bad.

Join the Conversation

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s