Resurrect the Virtual Boy!

It was ugly.

It was headache-inducing.

It was miserable.

It was a legend.

Behold.

Yes, the Nintendo Virtual Boy is a system that the company would probably prefer you forget. The graphics, while impressive in their own way, were also ugly. The gameplay was tragic. And the hardware was nigh-unusable.

More like ergo-not-mics

It would make zero sense for Nintendo to bring back the wretched library of games for this current generation. Who is asking for this? Who in their right minds would want this?

Which means that now is the perfect time for Nintendo to unleash this carnage upon their unsuspecting fan base.

We’ve gotten the NES, SNES, N64, and Sega Genesis available through the Switch Online service. And while we’re all enjoying those offerings, players can’t help but wonder if there is something else on the horizon. Perhaps the Game Boy? Or maybe they’ll really shock us with the GameCube!

I contend that now is the perfect opportunity for them to truly obliterate the expectations of gamers and give the Virtual Boy a shot at redemption. I mean, were the games any good? Who knows!? So few can actually answer that question firsthand! While many have been enjoying the nostalgia trip thus far, this is a rare opportunity for Nintendo to not only bring back one of their retro systems but bring these games to the wide audience that it didn’t have the first time around!

Give a new generation of gamers a chance to play the games that they never knew they wanted to get their hands on. Heck, there were literally only 22 games made for the Virtual Boy during its short life span. And 8 of those never even made it to the United States!

Let us play Red Alarm

OK, kinda cool, actually.

Nester’s Funky Bowling (starring Nintendo Power superstar Nester! Remember Nester, kids?)

Ahhhhhhhhhh!

Waterworld

Maybe this was a mistake.

Virtual Boy Wario Land

OK, hell yeah

and the very first Mario Tennis game!

Now we’re cookin’ with fire, baby

Let us adventure through these god-awful red-and-black hellscapes, most of us for the very first time! Or, go above and beyond and remaster the games with a more forgiving color palette, allowing games to switch back and forth as they like. Make them visually pleasing so that our eyes are not literally being assaulted as we play. Just a thought.

We even have the opportunity to allow players to enjoy them in VR, as per the original intent! Did we all forget about LABO? Give us another reason to buy it! So we can properly play Virtual Boy games mere inches from our faces, causing irreparable harm, no doubt.

Is Nintendo going to do this? No.

No, of course they won’t. They will carry on pretending that the Virtual Boy never happened and they are probably right to. What sane person would bring this system back?

But what a world it would be if they did. If they owned their little redheaded system. Who knows? Maybe it would gain a cult following! A cult of burned-out red-eyed Virtual Boys.

Jerry’s gonna be a Vir-tual Boy!

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