D&D Badasses Ch. 1: Lego the Valiant Halfling is OG

It’s Creative Writing Day here on Trope and Dagger!  This week I will be chronicling the adventures of my own character and my friends’ characters in a game of Dungeons and Dragons that we have been playing!  Our Dungeon Master is none other than my parter in crime, Andy Primm!  This is actually the second leg of our adventures, but will be Chapter 1 of our story!

They were somewhere in… Andur, Lego thought?  Standing in front of a man named Redthorne.  He was going on and on about finding a different man named Four-Finger Jack and bringing him back to him and blah blah blah… To be honest, Lego was only barely listening, trusting that one of his more attentive compatriots would be writing all this down.  He was just eager to be on their way finally!

His friends knew him as Lego Moonpuncher, halfling rogue and silver-tongued man of mystery (his own description), and they had all been through a hell of an ordeal already.  After all the trouble that they had already been through, killing the lizard men, saving the Earl’s pretty daughter, meeting a Goddess, Lego getting shot down by said Goddess, Lego getting shot down by that cute gnome girl… All in all, he was ready to get going and cause some trouble for some bad guys again!  But instead, there he was listening to Redthorne blather on and on about going to find a guy to tell them where to find another guy in order to help secure a something and save a something or whatever.  Come on, it was time to go get some villains already!  He glanced at His friends to try and gauge whether anyone else was as anxious as he was.

Beside him stood Bluntz, a beginner wizard and questionable character, but Lego didn’t put this ragtag group together.  Next to him stood Aurelia, yet another human.  She was a monk, deadly with her fists, and though she never spoke of it, Lego got the feeling she’s searching for something.  Whether physical or spiritual, he hadn’t the faintest.  On Lego’s other side stood Sir Bamf, a half-elf, half-human paladin of massive stature and questionable schooling.  He’s got a good heart, though, Lego suppose.  Aren’t all paladins supposed to?  And lastly, beside him was Penelope the gnome.  Standing around Lego’s height and gently stroking her pet fox, he felt a kinship to the little druid, with her and he being towered over constantly by the rest of their party.  Though she could be more than a little…gross, occasionally, always saying how she could spit fiery loogies and make mud buddies.  Not something Lego was keen on seeing in person.  Then there was Euphoria the elf, a ranger who had an unusual fixation on owning a horse.  Elves, fascinating creatures, they are, with their songs and drunken horse riding.  That last bit may have been some of Lego’s playful arranging.

They had been led to Redthorne by the One-eyed Man, who had given them their very first mission as a group.  He had then led them on the road to this city, to assist Redthorne in his fight against a man named Seven, or Selvig, or something.  But the One-eyed Man was no longer with them, leaving them to do Redthorne’s bidding on their own.

So it was the six who set off that day in search of…something.  Four finger Jack, Lego supposed it was?  Apparently they were given a direction to head in and came across a building with a lone man standing outside.  When Lego inquired as to why they were there, he was told by Sir Bamf, rather curtly he thought, that someone inside may know the whereabouts of Four Finger Jack.  Well, armed with that knowledge, Lego knew exactly what must be done!

“If you will pardon me,” he said to his friends, trying to step away before being stopped abruptly.

“Wait,” said Bluntz.  “We do not know what is in store for us, nor whether this man is friend or foe.”

“I detect no evil in his heart,” said Sir Bamf, clanking noisily in his armor.

“There you go,” Lego said.  “No evil, let’s go have a chat!”

“I believe the halfling may have the correct approach,” said Aurelia, calmly.  “Perhaps this man can provide some valuable information.”

“If they won’t, I’ll lick their toes,” said Penelope, grinning and stroking her fox menacingly.  Lego shivered involuntarily.

“I like the short one’s willingness to creatively torture,” added Euphoria.  Lego rolled his eyes and Euphoria nudged him.  Lego shrugged at her.

“Yeah, OK, then.  We’ll see if he knows anything.  I’ll do that talking,” replied Bluntz.  “I got this good.”  Lego began to protest, knowing his friends’ penchant for fumbling words, but was abruptly ignored as they all strode towards the men.  Oh, well, a halfling is often ignored, and he followed their lead.

They marched up to the man, who seemed taken aback by their presence.  He glanced from one to another to another, his brow furrowing as he apparently tried to understand what the group was selling.  Bamf decided to make the first approach, ignoring Bluntz’ plan.

“Where Jack?” he demanded.  The man’s head jerked, he must have been surprised by Bamf’s forceful words.

“Shit, man!” the man said, startled.  “I have no idea who you’re talking about.  You all should probably get out of here.”

“We’ll get out of here when you go get Four Finger Jack,” said Penelope, glaring at the man.

“What makes you think he’s here?”

“Either he’s here,” said Bluntz, “or you know where he is.”

“Should you cooperate,” added Aurelia, “then we shall leave you in peace.”

The man looked them all over, nervously.  Lego could tell he needed a little more persuading.

“Why don’t you go get him for us, and we don’t have to spoil this beautiful day,” he said.  The man looked down at Lego, seeming surprised by his presence, which made Lego all warm and fuzzy inside.  He enjoyed going unnoticed, especially by humans.  But the man quickly looked back at the rest of the group, shifting his eyes quickly from one to another.  Lego was not satisfied with the man’s reaction.

But still he said “Wait here,” and turned to head in.  He closed the door behind himself and the group looked around at each other.  Lego glanced at Aurelia, who looked to Bluntz, who looked to Penelope, who looked to Bamf, and then Lego stopped paying attention.  But Bluntz decided to take some initiative and turned the door handle, heading inside.  The rest poured in after him.

Inside Lego and the group were met by three burly men who stood as everyone entered.  There was no sign of the man from outside but for a door slamming shut in the back of the room.  Lego looked at his compatriarts and wondered what they were thinking.  They all looked nervous, ready for a fight with the men, but Lego still wondered if he could get this sorted without bloodshed.  He stepped forward and mustered as much confidence as he could.

“Hi guys, maybe you can help us,” he said, his voice wavering some.  Bluntz must have sensed Lego’s falter, because he jumped into action.  Lego shouted for him to stop, but it fell upon deaf ears as Bluntz swung his staff at the man.  The others quickly followed his lead as arrows were shot and swords were swung.  Lego ducked under Bamf’s massive sword as he swung it wildly at one of the men.  Lego had hoped to reason with the thugs, but now that was no longer an option.  Never one to cry over spilt milk, Lego drew his own crossbow and loosed an arrow.  He didn’t see if it hit his target as he quickly scampered to reload.

He saw Penelope attempting to arrange an attack, but in the cramped room, she was unable to launch an effective attack.  In fact, everyone was practically on top of one another as Bamf and Bluntz sparred with two of the men.  He heard Bamf cry something unintelligible and Bluntz shout a spell as light sparked in his corner.  Aurelia moved towards the third man in the corner and began throwing lighting quick punches.  The man was unable to dodge effectively and soon found himself pummeled and on the ground.  Lego got another shot off and saw it thud into the man Bamf was fighting.  The man shouted in pain and swung his sword, but it only bounced off of Bamf’s impressive armor, drawing laughs.  Then Euphoria darted forward and slashed at the man, cutting across him with a massive blow, and he fell to the ground.

They all then turned to face the final man, who was now facing the force of the entire group.  He looked determined, however, and gritted his teeth, facing Bamf as he advance.  It was the attack unseen, a glint of light from Penelope’s war razor, and the man was clutching his neck, blood spurting out between his fingers, and he was finished.

The group looked around, and saw that no one was much worse for wear.

“Good fight!” laughed Bamf, before kneeling over his sword.  “Peace be upon them.”

“That will have attracted attention,” said Aurelia, straightening her robes.

“Should we check these guys?” asked Bluntz.

“Robbing the dead?” asked Bamf.

“Relax,” said Lego.  “We need supplies.  Besides, these were some bad guys, we’ll put it to much better use than they would have, right?”

Bamf paused, then nodded.  Lego was glad, he didn’t want to be on Bamf’s bad side, and felt as though he was already for some reason.  It then occurred to Lego that he wasn’t sure if he was telling the truth.  Were these actually bad guys?  They were definitely shady, but they didn’t really know what these guys were up to or who they were.  It was a thought that would nag at him for no short time, but it didn’t appear to phase Bamf.

They took what small amounts of money and equipment they could find, but Lego decided that his interest was lingering on the back door that shut when they had entered.  He walked up to it and gently pushed it open.  Inside he found the man from outside cowering in the corner and a chest against the wall.

Lego walked up to the chest.  He heard Bamf and Bluntz come in behind him.  He opened the chest and pulled out a lone gemstone that he found within, which glimmered in his hand.  “What a beauty,” he said, closing the chest.

Penelope then followed into the room, humming an unassuming tune, accompanied by her fox, and noticed the man cowering in the corner.  Lego saw her smile fiendishly.  She walked up to the man and Lego could have sworn he saw her fox’s fur stick up on end.  Penelope then licked her lips, eyed his toes, and said “Maybe now you’ll feel more like talking, eh?”

To be continued…

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